Adventures in Photography!

Today I have been mostly very unproductive. My pretty pretty new shoes arrived this morning and therefore I spent all day dicking about, trying to take good pictures of them. I did fail rather spectacularly but I achieved a couple of rather good pictures in the meantime.

First, the not-rude one: 'Staircase'

I'm not so sure why I liked this picture, but I do. It was actually a perspective experiment to try and get a picture of me reclining on the staircase, but I liked the way it came out.

So I also took a couple of myself. This is the first one, which I couldn't be bothered to title.

It's pretty tricky to get good angles of yourself when you're restricted in terms of movement. This was before I started using the timer so I really only had my own flexibility to work with. I liked the colours in the shot and also the angle of my leg and foot.

I then took this shot, using my camera's timer. It's not the shot I wanted, but it turned out fairly well and I do like it. There's a lot of things about it which I look at and go 'yuk!'. I can see my fat. My chin looks really prominant. My hair looks frizzy. But I really kind of like it. It's me - very me. So, this is 'The Stretch'.

There...three new pictures, a couple of experiments with timers, angles and colour filters...and me still kind of regretting that I don't have my old Samsung camera because it was SO MUCH better than this Fujifilm one. Sad panda!

Far Too Tired

It seems like it's been a long time since I wrote an update: and that's because it is.

Although almost two full months have gone past since I last wrote, not a lot seems to have happened to me other than gaining weight and being reclusive. I mostly think this is due to the stupid tablets I am on for my depression - venlafaxine. Evil things: they have so many side effects that I feel as much like I'm losing my mind as before - just in a different direction. I forget the names for things, forget what I'm doing, can't sleep normally...it's a nightmare. I am going back to my GP to sort this shit out! In the meantime, and because I can, here's a list and summary of the antidepressants I've taken over the years:

St John's Wort - Quack remedy, IMHO. There is some scientific basis for its use but not all suppliments are created equal and the cheap stuff from Holland and Barratt definitely isn't going to do it. Did bugger all for me when I tried it.

Fluoxetine (Prozac) - SSRI. Brilliant drug and much misunderstood. Very few side effects for me, kept me pretty balanced and level at 40mg a day and it's pleasingly long half life meant that if I accidentally skipped a tablet I didn't immediately feel ill. I only really came off this drug because I was having a very hard time and even with the assistance of an SSRI I wasn't coping.

Sertraline (Zoloft) - SSRI. Yuk! I found this really terrible. My mood was noticeably decreased within a couple of weeks, I lost all motivation and by the end of ~6 weeks was almost suicidal. Not for me.

Venlafaxine (Effexor) - SNRI. A bit of a mixed bag, all told. The first ~6 months were not too bad, mood generally quite good but with high levels of side effects including confusion, 'brain fog' and problems with memory. It did hold me together when I was really struggling but since then the side effects have got substantially worse and the benefits have reduced. Coming off them is highly unpleasant - like coming off heroin - and I am not looking forward to it. I will actually try and keep a blog just to see how I feel.

Really the only other step to try would be Mirtazapine which I have no intention of going on to - the side effects are even worse than Venlafaxine!

Time to sort my shit out once and for all, stop being a pansy and take charge of my life. Get a job, pay off my debts and start being an adult about life. How can I build up my corset collection without a job, hmm? Or finish my tattoo plan? My next one, a C.S. Lewis quote from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, is coming on soon I hope, and then the matching piece in the Tengwar early next year, followed by the final part of my 4 seasons tattoos before I'm 30. Lawks! I also want to get some weight off and model more - I enjoy it, and I don't give a shit if I don't please everyone - as long as I please myself.

Time Flies

Woooooo! My tattoo is now finished!

Yes, that's another giant photograph of my arse. But isn't it pretty?

It took around 2 and a half hours to do, and for the most part wasn't so painful for me, other than the part of the ribbon which is right over my ass crack. Delightful? Well, no, but it was worth it in the long run. It's healed up now and I like it very much. Beautiful work from The Country Gentleman. I'm already planning to have some Japanese maple leaves added to the overall thing, just so I have all four seasons. Also, they have special meaning: my mum always wanted an Acer in the garden when I was a kid.

That means a lot to me at the moment.

My Mum recently had a pacemaker fitted, after finding out she had stage one heart failure. We were all scared but I am just happy that she's okay and at home again. It makes me really appreciate the things that she has done for me. I can't imagine what life would be like without her.

In other news, our house is now 99% done! We only have the second coat of paint on the stairs to finish and a few tiles in the kitchen. It already feels so much more like home than the Other House ever did. We even did some weeding in the garden today and it feels nice to be able to do something so positive.

I went to the wedding of two friends on Saturday, and it was lovely. It was especially so because the groom is my girlfriend's boyfriend, and the bride is her best friend. Talk about weird, huh? This is one of the things you have to do when you're poly, though, and it turned out to be a lovely day and night. The feeling of compersion is wonderful; knowing that someone you love is happy because of another person, and being happy because of that. It's cracking.

I've done a couple of photoshoots in the last few weeks: both working to nude, both for one website. It was good fun! I got to be all pretty and innocent looking in some woodland, and also be a crazy catgirl, which was hilarious. Even with the insect stings and thorns in my feet. I made the most adorable necklace to wear too.

Isn't it adorable? I think I shall make some more like it, as it went so well. I want to see if it's possible to make some which are just the banner, so I can put different slogans on them. Either way, it's fun!

Pssh! Longest blog update in ages. Yechhh!

Winter Is Coming...Again.

Nope, this is not about Game of Thrones.

Instead, it's just a comment on the horrifying torrents of sleety rain currently sloshing over my very cold and desolate city.

I've been suffering with a bit of cold-weather malaise today. I'd got a little too used to the glorious English springtime and being able to sit out in the garden and bask in the sunshine whilst playing with the lovely cat who may or not be a stray (I want to call her Shadow, the Man says that's a stupid name for a cat. Bastard). Now the nasty rain stuff is coming down so hard that the lamp post across the road looks like it's going to snap in half and alarms keep going off as the rain hits them. This doesn't bode well for getting to my tattoo appointment tomorrow, but I am sure it will be fine. A little snow never stopped British Rail, right? Right? Oh...

Still, it's terribly exciting to be getting my ink finished tomorrow, I really can't wait.

On the other hand, it may have been miserably cold and horrid today but I have been productive. Yay! My mother gave us a mirror from her house as a little present for Chez Kitten which is rather lovely, but featured a rather...obnoxious...stained frame. I stripped it down to the natural wood (although it turned out to be rather uninspiring pine) using the little hand held sander (a slight case of vibration white finger only!) and then finished it with two different grades of sandpaper by hand, and followed it with two coats of beeswax. It looks lush. Pictures will follow eventually.

I also made a very tasty dinner; risotto with turkey and leek. The recipe is:

1.5 cups of arborio rice.
2 turkey breast slice thingies. Not the ones in crumb!
A large leek.
A medium red onion.
1 litre of chicken stock. I cheat and use a cube.
3 cloves of garlic. Or less, if you like.
Garlic and herb Philadelphia.
Salt and pepper to taste.

Fry the onion and garlic in some olive oil until the onion softens but doesn't colour. Add the rice. Stir until the liquor is absorbed. Add a cup or so of the stock. Stir until absorbed. Repeat until the rice is squishy and you've used the stock.

Slice the leeks. Sweat in a little butter and stock. Add to rice. Stir together. Add a generous dollop of Philly. Stir some more.

Slice and fry off the turkey in some pepper.

Dollop some risotto on a plate, top with the turkey. I also had some lovely sliced red pepper on it and it was NOM!

Brrr!

Today it is 2 degrees Celsius (36 degrees Fahrenheit) in my city and it is bloody horrible. I am combating the nasty by spending the day crocheting presents for my lovely friends for Christmas. This year I am not really doing presents unless they are hand made, so I've got an awful lot of crafting to do! I have one (massive) blanket to make - so not going to happen before Christmas! - and several scarf/glove combos which ideally I would like to get done before, oh, Sunday. HAHAHA. Trust me to leave it right to the very last minute to get on with them. 

My cough is still lingering in a highly annoying way, and making working on a busy night a little uncomfortable as the moist air in the bar irritates it and makes me look like a plague sufferer when I spend five minutes coughing solidly. Oh well, it's money and money is good. Especially when you have a fetish for shiny things.

I came across a novel way of making money last night though: someone propositioned me to buy a pair of my used panties! I can't quite decide what I think of that, but £12 for a pair of my dirty knickers...okay, fair enough really!

Navel piercing is getting on a lot better now I have a PTFE bar in it and not the slightly-too-short titanium one it was pierced with. The angry redness is going down a lot, although it has been bleeding a little today. I shall put some nice soothing Savlon cream on it and hope for the best.

Things

A list, mostly for my own reference, of things I want to make/try making. 

• Fascinators/hair accessories - I found lots of cute flowers for cheap on ebay. I figure for the cost of one of the really fancy fascinators I lust after I could get enough flowers and bases to make about 10. One for me, nine to sell. 
• A circle skirt. This is my project for Wednesday afternoon/Thursday morning. I am currently thinking a patterned fabric with contrasting velvet ribbon waistband. Ideally I want to wear this out on Thursday night. Total budget for the project: £10 or less. 
• A man-scarf. This is already in progress. Using green-mix double-knit yarn and a 5.00 hook.
• Hair sticks - I still have the bits for about another four sets; again these can go on ebay or etsy. 
• Finish the Blanket Of Doom! Nearly two years in the making and I am getting sick of the sight of the bastard now. God damn granny squares. 

Think that's it for now. No doubt there will be more but I think five projects is quite enough for the time being. And now I shall find something to watch (easier said than done) and crack on with that bastard blanket. I will not nap. Not. No napping...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Crafty Crafty!

I have been a crafty kitten! Yay!

I bought four 8m lengths of lovely hemp rope from my friend Jakara so I didn't have to keep relying on my housemate Dr Jon to provide the rope for the noble and wonderful art of shibari. However, this being me, I couldn't just have it plain rope: I figured as it was a natural fibre it should be easy enough to dye with a procion dye like Dylon's machine dye - and it was! Exactly the same process as colouring fabric - dye in machine, salt in, rope in on top, 40 degree cycle, rinse cycle, job's a good 'un. But it came out the most amazing shade of purple! It's gorgeous, a really lovely dark, true purple. It's currently still slightly damp and is drying out on the bed waiting to be used at Office Hours tomorrow - I can't wait!

I also started my new tablets yesterday. They kick in after about an hour on a full stomach or twenty minutes on an empty one and I WAS TRIPPING MY TITS OFF. I spent 45 minutes in Primark because it was so nice and cool in there and I wanted to lie down and go to sleep. I wondered why everyone was giving me weird looks...after that I met a friend, pottered around and got stuff done and then went into Headingley to get some stuff - the charity shops there are wicked - and then, as you do, decided to get my clitoral hood pierced. You know, as you do.

Actually I'd been thinking about it for ages and a lovely friend who is a qualified piercer was going to do it for me, but we could never find the time and the space when we won't both busy, but the more I thought about it the more sure I was I wanted it. But as I was high as a kite, and passing a piercing studio, I decided to just do it. Wow! What an awesome experience. The studio (Rude Tattoo and Piercing in Headingley) was lovely and clean, smelled nicely of antiseptic and tattoo ink, and the staff were all really friendly and lovely. The piercer (Sam) was really sweet and took me through after I'd done the usual consent forms. She locked the door, explained what would happen and then had me strip off from the waist down and hop onto the bed. She checked my anatomy to make sure I was suitable - she said I was ideal for it - and then she applied anesthetic and made sure it was thoroughly rubbed in - a weird feeling, having another lady rubbing burny numby stuff onto your clitoris, let me tell you - and then left me to cook for a little while until I was thoroughly numb in the pussy department. Then it was a case of positioning the bits and pieces, count to three and then - pouff! Done. It was just like a bit of a pinch, not even a sharp feeling, and it didn't hurt at all. I felt a little tugging as she put the jewellery through - just a simple titanium bananabar - and she explained that I might prefer a longer or shorter one depending on what it sits like when it heals. She showed me my new cunt bling, called me hardcore, and that was it. Sent on my way with her mobile number, aftercare information, and a pantyliner.

Then it was just a case of celebratory pizza for lunch and waiting for the feeling to come back - and even when it did it was a weird itch, not a pain. Of course, I immediately wanted to show it to everyone, but that's just because it's so freaking shiny and amazing!

Later on there was roleplaying and crochet - my Eternal Blanket is coming on nicely and looking really pretty now - and then I took my second mad-pill. Ten minutes later I giggle madly and my roleplaying group look at me. Gordon (our tank) says "bloody hell...your pupils are massive!" and at that point I realised why everyone in Primark had been giving me weird looks. Because I truly was off my face. I looked in the mirror and realised I was white, with pupils blown to 95% of my iris, and a stupid dopey grin on my face. Honestly, it's a wonder that I managed to actually get anything sensible done!