Far Too Tired

It seems like it's been a long time since I wrote an update: and that's because it is.

Although almost two full months have gone past since I last wrote, not a lot seems to have happened to me other than gaining weight and being reclusive. I mostly think this is due to the stupid tablets I am on for my depression - venlafaxine. Evil things: they have so many side effects that I feel as much like I'm losing my mind as before - just in a different direction. I forget the names for things, forget what I'm doing, can't sleep normally...it's a nightmare. I am going back to my GP to sort this shit out! In the meantime, and because I can, here's a list and summary of the antidepressants I've taken over the years:

St John's Wort - Quack remedy, IMHO. There is some scientific basis for its use but not all suppliments are created equal and the cheap stuff from Holland and Barratt definitely isn't going to do it. Did bugger all for me when I tried it.

Fluoxetine (Prozac) - SSRI. Brilliant drug and much misunderstood. Very few side effects for me, kept me pretty balanced and level at 40mg a day and it's pleasingly long half life meant that if I accidentally skipped a tablet I didn't immediately feel ill. I only really came off this drug because I was having a very hard time and even with the assistance of an SSRI I wasn't coping.

Sertraline (Zoloft) - SSRI. Yuk! I found this really terrible. My mood was noticeably decreased within a couple of weeks, I lost all motivation and by the end of ~6 weeks was almost suicidal. Not for me.

Venlafaxine (Effexor) - SNRI. A bit of a mixed bag, all told. The first ~6 months were not too bad, mood generally quite good but with high levels of side effects including confusion, 'brain fog' and problems with memory. It did hold me together when I was really struggling but since then the side effects have got substantially worse and the benefits have reduced. Coming off them is highly unpleasant - like coming off heroin - and I am not looking forward to it. I will actually try and keep a blog just to see how I feel.

Really the only other step to try would be Mirtazapine which I have no intention of going on to - the side effects are even worse than Venlafaxine!

Time to sort my shit out once and for all, stop being a pansy and take charge of my life. Get a job, pay off my debts and start being an adult about life. How can I build up my corset collection without a job, hmm? Or finish my tattoo plan? My next one, a C.S. Lewis quote from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, is coming on soon I hope, and then the matching piece in the Tengwar early next year, followed by the final part of my 4 seasons tattoos before I'm 30. Lawks! I also want to get some weight off and model more - I enjoy it, and I don't give a shit if I don't please everyone - as long as I please myself.