You Don't Need Me, No, Like I Need You

This blog post brought to you by the following music:

• You - The Pretty Reckless
• Hurt - Johnny Cash
• Rest Stop - Matchbox 20

If you want to get a handle on how I've been feeling, check those babies out on YouTube. 

Positive Things

• I have quit smoking. This currently doesn't feel like much of a positive. 
• I did a photo-shoot! Check out the glorious above photo of me!

Negative Things

• I somehow managed to miss a shift at The Shop without even realising I was meant to be in. This has all kicked off into a mega-clusterfuck and I an now, at very least, going to be given a disciplinary. 
• A massive ruckus kicked off at The Pub and, while I wasn't there, a friend was and it resulted in her quitting her job there, so I no longer have her wonderful boobies to sleep on when it's quiet.
• I got sent home from work at The Pub for passing out behind the bar. 
• I have got a vile chest infection, sound like an 80 a day smoker (which I was not!) and feel like I am coughing a lung up. 
• I am having what may be titled 'emotional difficulties', which is perhaps a header for generalised unhappiness regarding my life and situation. Frustration with The Man and his lack of any kind of motivation to do anything, sympathy for me and the fact that I have to deal with said issues on top of everything else I generally have to deal with, plus cabin fever and a desperate need to get away from Leeds and from everything in it for a few days and just hide somewhere warm and safe and free from my Mother, The Man, The Jobs, The Lack of a Decent House...all of it. 
• My poor cat got run over and left to die =( This is easily the most gutting thing. I love my animals so much, and poor Binky had a rough start. He was so wild when we got him that he wouldn't let anyone near him but we won him round. I miss him already. 

Things

They're not positive, they're not negative. They're just things.

• I got my belly button pierced! Wooo. It is currently inflamed and itchy and annoying. However not very painful which bodes well for the potential nipple piercings (still not sure about them) and ear lobes which I hope to get done in the near future. 

All in all it's been a really shitty week and I have learned a couple of things. The best one is that your friends are the people who are there for you when you're being really emo about a Man at 1am. I guess one of the hardest things about being Poly is that sometimes you encounter someone who isn't poly in the circle of your love life. This makes life hard. I have some shit to sort out, I think. Currently I feel very much like a third wheel or a dirty secret, and I am not and will not be that. I don't like feeling second-rate and, even worse, I don't like feeling unwanted or pushed aside. I entered into polyamory to open myself to more love and affection, not to feel like someone's bit on the side. 


Next week *will* be better.


Please god, let next week be better.